of demons and things

I have never in the past been able to paint when feeling miserable .Many have told me that painting is excellent therapy for stress and unhappiness and yet in my experience, anything I paint whilst stressed and unhappy is usually unsellable, in fact I have often torn a canvas off its frame or thrown a painting away because I have thought it such poor quality.

I had to go up into the studio yesterday to get some packaging tape. About 10 days ago I had un wrapped a canvas that I had stored away for almost 3 yrs. I had originally purchases the canvas in order to repeat a painting of Arum Lilies that I had done for a client. I loved the original painting until the client insisted that it be “enhanced “with rust paint which at that time was gaining popularity in the area in which I lived. Intended for use on pillars, pots and other various decor items, said client decided it would look great on a painting. I obliged and she was happy but I personally believed that it ruined the work.

As time passed my work changed and so when I took the canvas out the other day, my intention was to paint a very long landscape but for one reason or another, I didn’t get to it.

Much like meditation or yoga, it is said that painting focuses our attention. It is like separating body from spirit. When the body sets the soul free, the soul either rises up to heaven or descends into hell, depending on the person’s state of mind. In both cases, it learns what it needs to learn; to destroy or to heal.

Perhaps this is the very reason I don’t work when things are wrong. I don’t like facing my demons and I usually feel that I have descended far enough into hell on bad days. There is little need to encourage the visit.

Very out of character, I picked up a piece of charcoal when I went up to the studio yesterday and began sketching on the canvas. Admittedly, I really didn’t like dealing with the demons that transpired but sooner or later I will have to and if nothing else, it was interesting to see what finally became of the canvas that I had stored so long.

The painting is similar to that of the original before it was spoiled but somewhat ironic too that Arum Lilies won over landscape.

The flower is White. WHITE is not really a colour. It occurs when the whole spectrum of light is seen together or when red, yellow and blue colours are mixed. Everything is present in white; nothing is hidden, secret or undifferentiated.

A Greece legend says that the white lily is the symbol of innocence, of that who doesn’t know what danger is. By offering white lilies, you show your sincere love, full of respect and devotion. A lily is said to make one feel like unique, special from all other women.

I will hang the painting in my bedroom for a while. A reminder to love and respect myself; to remain devoted to being true to myself and to keep in mind that I am unique and special. It’s a gift I could do with right now.